Pornography

A Time of a Thousand Opportunities

Photo by Ben Mullins on Unsplash

Photo by Ben Mullins on Unsplash

By Ray Butler, 2019 LCAP Conference Co-chair

We live in an exciting age, a time of a thousand opportunities.  Wireless internet usage is currently at 20 exabytes per month – that is twenty billion gigabytes – and is projected to grow to 80 exabytes per month by 2024.  Along with the unprecedented opportunities come new challenges, challenges that won’t go away if we bury our heads in the sand like the ostrich. I’ve seen the negative effects of pornography on individuals, families, marriages, and careers, and chances are that either you or someone you know is affected.  100% of us will be exposed whether intentionally or inadvertently, and the age of first exposure is getting younger and younger. The good news is that there are excellent resources and tools to assist in protecting ourselves and our families and to open the lines of communication when exposure does happen.  The organization Love People Not Pixels is giving a Porn + Parenting workshop at our conference in Plano on October 19. There is hope and healing for affected spouses and partners, and there is a path to sobriety for those struggling personally. Our conference host Shane Adamson will join Jody VanDrimmelen (both Licensed Clinical Social Workers) and together they will outline paths to healing.
There are actions we can take in our community to help stem the tsunami that is hitting us now and will continue to increase. Fight the New Drug will show us the way to turn the tide in their presentation "A Generation's Fight for Love." To learn more about available resources to heal homes, hearts, and communities, come join us at the LCAP conference on October 19.


For the last 4 years Ray Butler led a church-sponsored recovery support group for men who struggle with pornography and sexual addiction. Ray is passionate about educating Texans on the dangers and risks associated with pornography; central to this mission is sharing information about the many tools and resources that are available to help protect each of us and especially our youth.

Is It Him or Is It Me?

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By Dr. David W. Patterson

Pornography is a selfish master that will try to blame everyone involved.

The truth is that all of the trauma and drama that is felt by loved ones is the full responsibility of the one who is acting out with pornography.

While serving as a bishop and now as a life coach, I regularly meet with men, women, husbands, and wives who are all dealing with the effects of pornography. The most predominant group is male who are actively engaged in some form of porn. These men, both young and old are viewing pornography on devices, going to interactive demand websites, or visiting live, so-called “Gentleman's Clubs.”

The second group that I meet with is women who are in some way associated with a boy or man who are acting out with pornography. They are mothers and wives and on occasion, girlfriends. Most of these wonderful women are confused or nearly destroyed when their lives are turned upside down by those who are entangled in the self-abuse of pornography.


Like many unwanted behaviors and addictions, there are many more innocent victims injured beyond the one who is engaging in pornography. The first group, mostly men, feels trapped, overwhelmed, angry, and defensive. The second group, mostly women, feels betrayed, ashamed, and may labor under the heavy emotional burdens of worry, hurt, and hopelessness caused by the actions of their loved ones.  Often they take on the responsibility/blame for the wreckage that surrounds those who are acting out! 

The family and loved ones of the pornography user must constantly remember the three Cs of addiction: 

I didn't cause it.

I can't cure it.

I can't control it.

Again, the truth is that all the trauma and drama that is felt by loved ones is the full responsibility of the one who is acting out with pornography.

If you are looking for help, tools, and understanding, I will be joining Kristen Jenson (founder of ProtectYoungMinds.org), Joe Madison (director of Love People Not Pixels), and Jody Van Drimmelen (Licensed Clinical Social Worker) and many others at the LoneSTAR Coalition Against Pornography 2019 Conference.

Please join us October 19, 2019, 9 am - 2 pm at the Collin Community College, Spring Creek Campus, in Plano, TX.

Who is this conference for?
Families

  • Parents preparing children to safely turn away from pornography when they see it 

  • Family members committed to supporting each other as they face the challenges of today’s media

  • Fighters determined to find recovery for themselves and their loved ones 

  • Families using technology to restrict the reach of harmful content 

  • Grandparents teaching positive values to keep their families safe and happy

Leaders

  • Community leaders making decisions that create respectful, family-friendly communities 

  • Church leaders inspiring people to rise above their challenges 

  • Educators ensuring safe schools and teaching smart internet use 

  • Health professionals helping people heal from the damaging impact of pornography 

  • Law enforcement connecting the dots between pornography and crime in our communities

Advocates

  • Teens standing for freedom from distorted and damaging sexualized media 

  • Young adults taking charge of the influence of media on their relationships and their life 

  • Friends helping friends live happier lives free from pornography 

  • Citizens raising awareness of the public health crisis of pornography in our society and leading community actions that make a difference

Dr. David W. Patterson is a mentor, speaker, & author. His book, “Live One Life: A Guide to Recovery from Trauma, Drama, and Other Addictive Behaviors” ranked #1 in addiction recovery on Amazon. President Patterson serves as 1st Counselor in the Dallas Texas Stake of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and is on the faculty of Grace International Seminary.


4 Ways to Build Your Child’s Resilience Against Pornography

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By Kristen A. Jenson, MA

Pornography is a BIG problem because kids are accessing it, imitating it and producing it. In fact, they’re even hiring porn!

Why do kids “hire” porn? In other words, what is it about pornography that makes it so popular with children? What job (or jobs) is pornography doing for kids? 

I wanted to find the answer to this question so I could help parents and teachers better prepare kids to reject the toxic sexual media that has become so easily accessible. To this end I hired an expert and did my own research. We completed in-depth interviews with 10 individuals (8 males, 2 females) who identified themselves as struggling with a pornography addiction, either currently or in the past. 

Our results proved that parents need a more comprehensive approach to raising resilient children in the digital age. One talk won’t cut it. 

Think about it. Most tables have four legs; most houses have at least four walls. Why? To provide stability. Kids need a stable foundation as well, especially when you think about the digital dangers they’re up against. 

That’s why I created The 4 Pillars of Prevention™ strategy. The good news is that there’s more a parent can do to shore up their child’s resilience to pornography. And it starts with understanding the 4 Pillars:

  1. Sexual Integrity: Some kids “hire” pornography to help them learn about sex when parents wait too long or never explain what sex is.

  2. Emotional Resilience: Some kids begin looking at pornography out of curiosity, but continue using it to distract themselves from negative emotions. This is a pathway to addiction that can be avoided with emotional management skills and tools. 

  3. Screen Accountability: All kids need to understand how to use technology in safe, healthy ways. 

  4. Brain Safety: All kids need to know what pornography is, why it’s harmful and how to keep their brains safe by rejecting it with a plan. 

Finally, prevention science teaches us the importance of building a foundation of love and using 4 simple parenting practices to help kids grow up addiction-free. 

I look forward to presenting a comprehensive 4 Pillars of Prevention™ approach for parents at the 2019 Lonestar Coalition Against Pornography’s upcoming conference. Parents will leave encouraged, empowered and equipped with a plan to put the protective 4 Pillars into practice in their own families! 

Don’t miss this opportunity to learn how you can strengthen your child against the toxic effects of pornography. When parents face this challenge head-on with courage, their children don’t have to face it alone, in secret! 

Register here for the conference on October 19, 2019 at the Collin College Conference Center in Plano. 


Kristen A. Jenson, MA is the founder of Protect Young Minds™ and best-selling author of Good Pictures Bad Pictures: Porn-Proofing Today's Young Kids and Good Pictures Bad Pictures Jr.: A Simple Plan to Protect Young Minds. She serves on the Prevention Task Force of the National Coalition on Sexual Exploitation.