Is It Him or Is It Me?


By Dr. David W. Patterson

Pornography is a selfish master that will try to blame everyone involved.

The truth is that all of the trauma and drama that is felt by loved ones is the full responsibility of the one who is acting out with pornography.

While serving as a bishop and now as a life coach, I regularly meet with men, women, husbands, and wives who are all dealing with the effects of pornography. The most predominant group is male who are actively engaged in some form of porn. These men, both young and old are viewing pornography on devices, going to interactive demand websites, or visiting live, so-called “Gentleman's Clubs.”

The second group that I meet with is women who are in some way associated with a boy or man who are acting out with pornography. They are mothers and wives and on occasion, girlfriends. Most of these wonderful women are confused or nearly destroyed when their lives are turned upside down by those who are entangled in the self-abuse of pornography.

Like many unwanted behaviors and addictions, there are many more innocent victims injured beyond the one who is engaging in pornography. The first group, mostly men, feels trapped, overwhelmed, angry, and defensive. The second group, mostly women, feels betrayed, ashamed, and may labor under the heavy emotional burdens of worry, hurt, and hopelessness caused by the actions of their loved ones.  Often they take on the responsibility/blame for the wreckage that surrounds those who are acting out! 

The family and loved ones of the pornography user must constantly remember the three Cs of addiction: 

I didn't cause it.

I can't cure it.

I can't control it.

Again, the truth is that all the trauma and drama that is felt by loved ones is the full responsibility of the one who is acting out with pornography.

If you are looking for help, tools, and understanding, I will be joining Kristen Jenson (founder of, Joe Madison (director of Love People Not Pixels), and Jody Van Drimmelen (Licensed Clinical Social Worker) and many others at the LoneSTAR Coalition Against Pornography 2019 Conference.

Please join us October 19, 2019, 9 am - 2 pm at the Collin Community College, Spring Creek Campus, in Plano, TX.

Who is this conference for?

  • Parents preparing children to safely turn away from pornography when they see it 

  • Family members committed to supporting each other as they face the challenges of today’s media

  • Fighters determined to find recovery for themselves and their loved ones 

  • Families using technology to restrict the reach of harmful content 

  • Grandparents teaching positive values to keep their families safe and happy


  • Community leaders making decisions that create respectful, family-friendly communities 

  • Church leaders inspiring people to rise above their challenges 

  • Educators ensuring safe schools and teaching smart internet use 

  • Health professionals helping people heal from the damaging impact of pornography 

  • Law enforcement connecting the dots between pornography and crime in our communities


  • Teens standing for freedom from distorted and damaging sexualized media 

  • Young adults taking charge of the influence of media on their relationships and their life 

  • Friends helping friends live happier lives free from pornography 

  • Citizens raising awareness of the public health crisis of pornography in our society and leading community actions that make a difference

Dr. David W. Patterson is a mentor, speaker, & author. His book, “Live One Life: A Guide to Recovery from Trauma, Drama, and Other Addictive Behaviors” ranked #1 in addiction recovery on Amazon. President Patterson serves as 1st Counselor in the Dallas Texas Stake of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and is on the faculty of Grace International Seminary.